did you miss me?

it’s been forever since i have last posted an entry. close to three months!  i hope you are still out there, perhaps only hanging on by a thread, a small glimmer of hope, waiting patiently for me to come back…..i know my content is lacking. this my friends, i am painfully aware of.

i have somehow managed to reminded myself each and every day that i need to write a post and then never do.  it’s not by accident. it’s conscious procrastination founded on my lack of motivation. and it’s not because i don’t want to write, or because i don’t have anything to say. in fact, it’s just the opposite. i have an almost overwhelming amount of things going on right now, thoughts, ideas and so much rushing around my head like crazy – – but when i get ready to share, i end up recoiling. i get scared. do i want to tell so much, expose my innermost feelings – my hopes and fears – – and yikes! could i possibly take the criticism or judgement?

i’ve hit a patch of time and space of uncertainty where i have this inexplicable self-doubt. i am taking risks, pushing myself and venturing into the new, and it’s not easy.  most people just don’t, or won’t, admit that.  the people who act like soldiers with big tall walls built up around them like a fortress of emotional security – no one gets in…and nothing gets out. i really think they’ve got it all wrong.

so here i am now – sharing, with you – my friends (and kind lurkers)…..i’m nothing short of super crazy excited to be on the path i’m running down right now. i’m focused, i’m energetic, i’m thinking positive thoughts….but that nagging devil’s advocate we call fear silently tugs at me. i’ll shake it off, let it roll off my back and focus on all the good stuff, the positivity i can, thankfully, always manage to scrounge up from somewhere.

so now just promise me one thing – promise me that you won’t judge.  i’ve given you the dish on why i purposefully (but temporarily) abandoned my blog. will you come back, and stay….?

let’s call it a truce…i think now we’re even :-)

(plus…now that i’m back, i have tons of stuff to tell you!!) :-)

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